Self-Fulfilling Paradox
by crabbySeer
Summary: Shortly after Gamzee was subdued in a doomed timeline, Karkat finds Eridan's body and sews him back together. Soon, the meteor runs into a dream bubble where Karkat and Eridan have a talk. Sadstuck. Warnings: Vomit, major character death, suicide.
1. Chapter 1

It had been a few hours as far as Karkat could tell since Gamzee had finally calmed down enough that he was no longer considered a(n immediate) threat. Not that it mattered all that much; Karkat had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong, that they were doomed. Something didn't happen for them right in their timeline, and they were officially a beta track running itself into certain extinction.

He, of course, told no one.

He would not be a superior leader if he caused his fellows to panic unnecessarily.

Most of the damage had already been assessed. Nepeta, Equius, Feferi, Sollux, Tavros, Vriska, all were dead. Terezi was badly wounded, but would survive. Gamzee had taken a chunk out of her calf early on in his rampage, though she managed to escape through luck. Kanaya survived an attack that she had no right to from Eridan after he had killed both Sollux and Feferi. She admitted that she had attacked in retaliation, but she refused to speak of him more than that. All she said was that he 'Was No Longer A Threat And He Could Rot Alone For All [She] Cared'.

Resisting the overwhelming urge to scream at her for information until his throat ran raw and his breath choked him, Karkat went off in search of the high blood betrayer. He simultaneously hoped that he would not be the next victim and that Eridan would finish him off, since he was doing such a shitty job of keeping everyone else alive.

As it turned out, Eridan hadn't made it too far before he met his own end.

Karkat stared at his body (bodies?) for a few minutes before it registered in him that their numbers had gone down another notch. The small room reeked of blood, piss, and shit; Eridan's violet innards were splayed in a grotesque pattern around him, no doubt thrown about by a well-handled chainsaw. Blood congealed in a sticky mess around the cuts and glued his shirt to his skin.

"Got yourself good and fucked up, didn't you. Petulant asshole of the false angels, and what did you get for all your trouble? A name that will go down coated in more shit than your stupid hipster scarf and enough of you to fit two admittedly small coffins." Karkat's voice didn't waver, but there was an uncomfortable stirring in his chest that had no right to flutter there. He considered leaving the sea bastard there to rot-It wasn't like the room was well used. He'd probably stay there until the meteor struck some stupid sun or moon and exploded into a thousand tiny shards.

The Cancer knew he couldn't do that.

He hated Eridan for his betrayal, but he remembered a time when they were (almost) friends. The sick thudding in his chest intensified for a moment and choked him, and with a pained sigh, he left for a few minutes.

When he returned, he carried what could hardly be described as a makeshift stretcher and hefted both halves of Eridan onto it before dragging it back to his personal hive.

He stripped Eridan's top half first without missing a word. "I told you back when we first landed on this stupid shithole that you should eat more. Not that it would have helped you at the end, but maybe it would have given you more padding for when she ripped you in fucking two. Certainly would have been a nicer sight for me, you fucking nookstain." He carefully cleaned the blood from his abdomen and clipped off his leaking entrails. "Even Gamzee is thicker than you, and all he eats is that poisonous slime and his stupid carbonated piss drink." He wiped the blood from Eridan's face, and meticulously cleaned his thick-rimmed glasses before setting them back on his nose. "You killed my best friend, I'm not sure if you know. I know for a fact you don't care, you're probably cheering in whatever Hell hole you've been sentenced to for your blasphemy. I knocked all his teeth out thinking he was still alive and trying to get him away from the carnage. I should have checked his pump biscuit for thudding, but the thought didn't occur to me with three fucking psychopaths on the loose." For a second he hesitated, but then he remembered that the Aquarius was dead and wouldn't care that Karkat was touching his horns in a way that would be taken for red foreplay and cleaned them anyway. "Also, I'm sure you're aware that you fucked our race over harder than the Condescension could have ever imagined. I'd be impressed if I wasn't completely fucking horrified."

Once his upper half was cleaned and clipped, Karkat moved on to his lower half. He paused for a moment, trying to decide the best way to handle the situation. "You know, if it were anyone else they'd make a joke about how you'd die to have someone touch your junk. Of course, pretty much everyone else is fucking stupid, and now they're dead." The Cancer set to work carefully clipping off all the loose ends in Eridan's pelvic area. He sloshed himself with a fresh wave of bloody shit and cursed before properly tying it off. "You came off as clingy as a eucalyptus beast though, and that made everyone think you wanted in their pants. Jokes on all of you though; alive you were too skinny to fit, and now you're too top heavy." He didn't laugh. He paused for a moment before slipping off both Eridan's pants and boxers. "I'll make it quick, for both of our sakes." He did as he said, gingerly cleaning the other's groin and hips before sliding a fresh pair of underwear on him. "There, now neither of us have to be embarrassed. Me because I don't want to fondle a dead guy that I hated, and you because, well, I suppose you don't care about shit right now." Karkat snorted at that. "Obviously. You can't smell it."

He slid his rag over Eridan's legs and thighs, cleaning off any remaining blood that clung to his legs. "You have cluck beast legs. I thought swimmers were supposed to be more buff." Once the sea dweller was cleaned of all offensive material that belonged inside of him, Karkat hefted his two halves away from the area and cleaned it as best as he could before laying the high blood out as close together as he could manage. When he was satisfied that everything was properly aligned, he gathered a sturdy needle and thread that he had stolen from Kanaya. "I guess this isn't going to hurt either of us, so I won't bore you with bullshit clichés." He shoved the needle through pale gray flesh and started the process of stitching Eridan back together. He spoke restlessly as he worked.

"I guess I should have taken more time to talk to you. No one else fucking would, between selfishness and fear. You were a massive prick, you know. I never even knew that you were as fucked in the head as you were. I mean, I knew you were lonely and angry and shit, but fuck, who of us wasn't? Sure it sucked to see your biggest pity crush hanging out with your mortal enemy, but shit man, you didn't have to kill her. You didn't have to kill yourself.

"But shit got hectic, and I wasn't being a very good friend, but fuck man I wasn't your moiraile. I wasn't your anything, just some stupid ass mutant piece of shit that somehow was more pathetic than you could ever hope to be." He struck bone and cursed before righting the needle and continuing on. "Which of us wasn't fucked as Hell though? I mean, when it comes right down to it, we were all stupid shits bound to self-destruct. You've got the drugged up freak who can't tell his waste chute from his ocular socket, a psychopathic bitch who thinks that disabilities are the paragon of flirting, the horse-fucking weirdo who sweats like a troll at the end of the culling fork if you tell him what to do... When it comes right down to it, you were pretty normal. Wanting affection never made you weird, it made you normal." He shoved Eridan over onto his stomach so he could sew his back. "Sorry this looks like shit man. I would have had Kanaya do it, but she's pretty bitter that you disemboweled her. All things considered, I think you're pretty even." His stitching was ungraceful, but functional. Blood dribbled from his small pinpricks, which he dabbed at as he pulled. He started to say more, but the air shimmered before him. "Must be a dream bubble. Aradia mentioned them before I came looking for you."

He set back on his haunches, wary of whoever was going to defile the sanctity of his space. After a thought, he tossed a blanket over Eridan's body. It wasn't anyone else's business what he was doing. Eventually, a body materialized before him.

"Hey Kar."


	2. Chapter 2

"The fuck are you doing here?" Karkat was surprised and angry; seeing Eridan before him was jarring.

"W-well, I w-was just kind of floating. I don't ev-ven know-w w-what I'm doing here. Also, rude." His stutter was just as pronounced as ever, despite his semi-hollow appearance. His eyes lacked pupils which made Karkat nervous. "W-what are you doin' Kar?"

"It's none of your fucking business you shit-fucking douchefin!" The Cancer wasn't sure which Eridan he was even talking to; he didn't know if it mattered.

The Aquarius didn't rage like the mutant had expected. "W-whatev-ver. Though, if you're gonna try and fool me, you should probably make sure to cover my w-whole body next time."

For a moment Karkat couldn't breath before he noticed that one manicured hand was left uncovered, violet blood crusted under the nails. He wasn't as thorough as he thought he was. Defeated but still frustrated, he pulled back the sheet and showed his uninvited guest.

"Sew-win' me back together huh? Pretty noble for a guy w-who's friends I killed in cold blood." His voice was steady, but his mouth pulled down at the corners.

Karkat didn't know whether to curse and scream at him until his throat bled or apologize for the shitty job he was doing. In the end, he did neither. "Yeah, well, no one else was gonna do it asshole." He started sewing again, his hands shaking slightly. He stabbed at Eridan's body ungracefully, almost daring the sea dweller to object. He didn't.

"Nobody should either." The Aquarius's voice was quiet as he watched Karkat work. "After I killed Fef, I w-was pretty much a dead troll w-walking. I let Kan catch me."

Karkat's hand froze mid thread, staring blankly at the slightly gaping gash over Eridan's hip. "What."

"I let her catch me. W-what use w-was there for me to liv-ve? I'd already killed the girl I supposedly pitied the most. W-wasn't anythin' left for me. If not Kan, someone else w-would hav-ve put me outta their misery, and I figured Kan deserv-ved it." He watched Karkat as he once again began sewing, starting a second loop around his midsection. "It took a w-while for me to die, I remember that. I laid in my ow-wn blood and shit, thinkin' about how-w the angels must hav-ve felt w-when I shot them dow-wn. I w-wondered w-who'd be the lucky soul to toss me ov-verboard. I w-wondered if I'd ev-ver run into anyone again, and had hope for the first time in a long time that I w-wouldn't."

Pinpricks of bright red stuck in Karkat's eyes, threatening to escape. "You're a dumb shit."

"I know-w. You'v-ve told me at least a thousand times here, and ten thousand more times ev-very time I ran into you in a bubble. One time it w-wasn't ev-ven the you I knew-w. You made God-tier and died tryin' to kill the black king. Clock counted it as Heroic, so you stayed down." He paused for a moment before continuing. "You nev-ver told me you were a mutant. Guess it doesn't matter now-w though. You still did better than any v-version of me I'v-ve ran into."

"How long have you been dead?"

"Judgin' by my body there, probably a few-w hours to you. Feels like sweeps to me though. I ran into Fef a few-w times and couldn't ev-ven face her. I couldn't ev-ven face Sol, and I fuckin' hated him. He seemed happy enough to leav-ve me be for the most part, but he cut out one of my eyes once. It didn't stick, obv-viously." He looked at the stack of fresh clothes sitting on a chair not far from him. "So, sew-win' me back together like a doll. W-what are you gonna do w-with me w-when you're done?"

"I don't know. I hadn't thought that far yet. I figured you didn't deserve to rot where you died though, so here I am, sewing back together a murderer that I thought was my friend." He finally finished, Eridan's body haphazardly sewn back together. He grabbed the clothing and started dressing the body as best as he could.

"Pretty pity w-worthy Kar. I bet if you tell anyone, they'll hav-ve your horns as a w-wall mount."

"Don't fuck with me jackass. You nev-ver hit on me before, don't start now when you're dead."

Eridan snorted. "I nev-ver flirted with you before because I genuinely liked you. I w-wasn't ev-ver desperate Kar, just lonely. I felt pretty unw-wanted, you know-w?" Karkat did know. "But, I alw-ways liked you. W-wouln't hav-ve ev-ver told you though, because look how-w that w-worked out for me the last time I tried it. I w-wasn't going to lose you too. Then you told me w-we w-were through, and I kind of lost it. I didn't ev-ven know-w w-what I had done, and lo and behold, I had killed three people. It w-was a self-fulfilling paradox. I found out recently that it's referred to as an ouroboros. A snake that eats it's ow-wn tail. Seems fittin' enough to me."

The Cancer's breath hitched silently in his throat, and his face dropped enough so that Eridan wouldn't see his stupid mutant tears. He had killed Eridan, intentionally or not, and the seed of self-loathing within him was blooming because of it. It threatened to mash all of his organs and make him vomit.

"Don't sw-weat it Kar. I deserv-ved to die anyw-way. W-wasn't like I ev-ver helped anyone; I just made them nerv-vous and angry. Being dead opens you up to a lot of shit you w-weren't priv-vy to aliv-ve." He waved his hand dismissively as he spoke, and the action hitched his shirt up just a notch. If Karkat would have looked, he would see a more transparent band of shiny jagged flesh where the chainsaw had torn him apart. "W-who'd w-wanna hang out with a violent sea dw-weller w-whose main hobby w-was killing angels anyw-ways?"

"I was going to." Karkat's voice wasn't as loud as normal. "I was going to hang out with you. I thought maybe I could talk some fucking sense into you, make you forget about Feferi and Sollux and everything that filled you to the flap gasket with venom. I... I pitied you. I wanted to make it better for you."

Eridan paused, then snorted again. His voice cracked as he stutter-slurred his words. "Of course you did. W-why not? I'm a raging bag of w-waste, w-what's not to pity? Guess it doesn't matter now-w though." The air started to shimmer around him as he spoke, and he moved to his knees onto his dead body, squeezing a little more blood from the newly sewn break. He put a hand to Karkat's face, his transparent skin almost freezing to the warmer Cancer. "Maybe I'll see you again on the other side."

Karkat looked up just as Eridan leaned down and felt a feather-light touch of lips on his nose; the chill was like an errant snowflake landing in winter before melting away into nothing. He was filled with rage and bitter despair, his insides gnarling into a twisted ball. It pushed the tears out of him in a new wave and stained his cheeks and the almost-gone of Eridan's fingers.

"Goodbye, Kar."

Before he could respond, Eridan was gone. The bubble had passed.

Karkat sat as still as a statue for a moment before screaming into the void and collapsing onto the lifeless body before him. He tangled his fingers into the soft fabric of Eridan's shirt and openly wept, knowing that there was no one to judge him.

Eventually, he made his way back to the others, a shell waiting to be filled up; oddly empty and lacking rage. A few days later, Eridan's body disappeared from his room and when he discovered it missing he stood in abject rage before it's empty place. A big nosed smile shone in its wake, purple blood staring back at him like an exclamation mark.

He felt as he imagined Eridan had at the end, and the feeling filled him to the brim before escaping through his mouth, grub loaf spilling across the floor in a disgusting mess. In that moment, staring at the colourful chunks of hardly digested food and what he imagined was his own blood, he decided that sometimes, giving up is the only thing left that makes sense. They were all doomed anyways; they ran into another bubble with a Feferi who had seen those in the alpha timeline and healed some small carapace. They didn't even have a carapace. The alpha Sollux was still (mostly) alive. There was no reason to hang around more than necessary. He laughed at the thought; well, it's not like he would be around to let himself down so he figured he would, indeed, hang around more than necessary.

The last thought that went through his mind before the lack of oxygen made thinking impossible was a wish that he would meet Eridan again on the other side. Hope had failed Eridan, but maybe it would shine brighter on him.

Swinging idly above a ":o)" and his vomit, Karkat died.


End file.
